so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
