Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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