Tell her she can't have a vagina
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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