That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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