quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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