i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
