oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize