imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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