omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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