I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
