I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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