none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
