Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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