i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
