How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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