found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
