At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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