I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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