the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
