Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
