Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
