Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
