He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
