I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
