I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
