yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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