um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
