I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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