Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
