dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
