is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
