i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
