Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
