I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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