Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
