I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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