I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
