wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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