I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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