My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
