he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
