I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
