Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
