Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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