is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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