sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
