Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
