Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
