hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
