They should really pass out barf bags in church
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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