make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
