Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
