That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
