If that was your dad, he is hot
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
