I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
