His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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