and you said cock pushups were impossible
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
