What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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