dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
