Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
