so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
